Mushy Brain

Mush!

I think I used to be a pretty intelligent person, but lately, it seems as if my brain has gone to mush. I'm not sure if it's because I have too many degrees, and I wasted all of my brain cells on acquiring them, or if I just watch too much Sesame Street. It could be some sort of combination of both. I used to go to work every day and talk to lots of different people. I used to have to solve complex problems by gathering background health history, going through a test battery to determine the presence and site of a lesion, and I used to rehabilitate people. I used to ponder nanotechnology and biochemistry. Now I change diapers and make bottles. I used to read scientific journals and the essays of Stephen Hawking, and now I read about bus wheels and hungry caterpillars. It's a bit of a culture shock even though I've been doing it for over a year. I know I am doing the most important job in the world. I am eternally grateful to my husband for working so hard so that I can stay home with the kids.

I felt so guilty while I was working that I wasn't spending more time with my son, and now I feel guilty that I'm not bringing in any income. I don't think men go through this...not most, anyway. My son, at one point, was in daycare for ten hours a day. It killed me. Because I was "indispensable" at my job, I couldn't get time off to go to his therapy meetings, take him to his specialist appointments, or take care of him when he was sick. I wasn't sure exactly what was going on with his therapy because I couldn't participate, because I was at work. I couldn't follow through on the therapy because I was rarely home. And I just plain missed smooshing and kissing my son. I cried for a long, long time when I put him in daycare when he was 12 weeks old, and I am so happy that I don't have to do that with my daughter. Since I've been home, I've been able to go to every meeting for my son, attend all of his therapy sessions, follow through with everything at home, never have to worry who will care for him if he's sick, don't have to worry if school is closed, don't have to worry about snow days or snow delays, don't have to worry about doctor's appointments, and I don't have to worry about summer. All of these things make me very happy, and now I truly am indispensable. There will be time to re-firm my brain later on. I'll have to get one of those work out videos...never mind "Buns of Steel", I'm going to need "Brains of Steel". :D