I Want to Talk to My Son

There's an extremely powerful scene in the move "Mr. Holland's Opus" where a mother, Iris Holland is talking about learning sign language because she is unable to communicate with her deaf son, Cole. She is discussing sign language classes with her husband Glenn Holland, while Cole is trying to tell her what he wants. Iris can't understand Cole's request, and he grows increasingly frustrated to the point of tears. She holds him and rocks him while he cries, and begins to cry herself explaining to Glenn Holland that she wants to tell their Cole that she is his mother and that she loves him. In desperation she cries, "I don't know what he wants, I don't understand what he's trying to say. Don't you get it? You go to school every day with all these children who are normal. I can't talk to my son! I don't know what he wants or what he thinks or what he feels. I can't tell him that I love him, I can't tell him who I am. I want to talk to my son! I don't care what it costs, I don't care what the stupid doctor says is right or wrong. I WANT TO TALK TO MY SON!"

(At the end of the movie, the father sings "Beautiful Boy" by John Lennon to his son in sign language. It's another beautiful and moving scene. I sing this to my son all the time too, and he just loves it. )

This was always very moving even before I had a son, and now that I have a son with whom I have great difficulty communicating, even more so.

I was reading another blog site written by another mother with an autistic child called "A Parent's Autism Experiences" . She also had a failed attempt at using sign language with her son, but decided to try one more time. Here is a link to her post. She bought a set of DVD's, and, well, this is what she wrote:

"We tried [teaching our son sign language] again about six months ago, and what a miracle. Our little clam has opened up in ways that we never expected. He has gone from not understanding or at least not being able to communicate what he understands to having some semblance of normal communication with his parents and siblings.

We made the plunge and spent over $300 and got the “Signing Time” DVD collection. Now I’m not selling them and I could care less if you run out and buy them or not, but they have literally opened up a whole new world for us.

We have two other children, one nine and one four. All of the children love the videos and as parents we are learning the signs as well. Now our little boy can identify all of the foods he likes, as well as a variety of other activities and objects. It is so much easier to be able to say it is bed time than to have to show him the bed etc. "

I found a set on E-Bay for $200 (it's listed at $750 on the Signing Time website...whoa). I wonder if my son would do as well trying sign again. He's been starting to use more signs including the sign for "mother" and "moon", and "drink", and he's doing them correctly. He always used to only approximate signs, and sometimes still does. However, maybe he's ready. He also will sit long enough to watch a video, so now might be the right time. My daughter, I'm sure, who is 15 months old could certainly benefit too. My son's speech still sounds like babbling, and it is incredibly frustrating to try to understand what he's trying to say most of the time. He is throwing more and more tantrums, and hurts himself. He screams, "Momma, help!" But he can't tell me what he needs help with and he screams and cries and smashes his head into the wall or floor or furniture to the point where he has contusions on his head. It's horrible.

I love my son so much. I wish I could see a little bit more into his world and I think it would mean the world to him to be able to communicate with more than a very few words. So, I think I'd like to give it a try. It's expensive, but what price can you put on talking to your son?

I want my son to be able to talk to me, and I want to talk to my son.