Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Mobile Home Park Life


Growing up, I imagined being a successful person, with a good job, a big house, a nice car, and travels that would take me all over the world.  I studied hard in school, got degrees, and then had a child with multiple disabilities.  My priorities changed, my financial situation changed, and we became a one income household, with my husband working hard so I could stay home and be available at all times for anything our children might need.  With help, we were able to move into a mobile home.  I struggled with feelings of failure and envy of others who had large houses, took expensive vacations, had all the latest gadgets for their kids, and what seemed to be a much easier life.  As time has gone on, I have reconnected to Jesus and trusted that He has me where I belong, doing what I'm supposed to do... that my vision of my life was not His vision for my life, and that this change was not failure, but just change.
Recently in church, the pastor spoke about how different the world of today is for children.  How children don't play outside, how they only have friends on the internet and have no personal relationships, how both parents often work and often leave children to raise themselves as latchkey kids.  It was then that I truly appreciated where we are.  Our houses are pretty close together...not as close as houses are in Queens where I grew up, but close enough for children to be able to arrange play organically by calling for one another.  We have a playground across the street.  We live with a dead end at the terminus of the park where the children love to play and can do so safely.  We are up against state land with fields, woods, and a creek.  This provides for plenty of exploration opportunities, more safe places to play, and interaction with all sorts of wildlife and nature.  Most houses have front porches where people sit and talk, and where the children play.  Most mothers are home, so when the children are home and playing, there is always someone with an eye on them.  In some ways, I suppose we're in a bit of a lost world where time has stood still.  People wave to one another while they drive by, stop to talk as they walk by, and parents know one another and one another's children.  I'm really grateful to be where we are, and am so glad that God knew exactly where we should be...where our children could thrive...where they could be children.

Watching a solar eclipse, playing in the pool, pretending to use a leaf blower, discovering a blue bird nest













Monday, August 14, 2017

A Song Without Music

You Pull Me Back Up Again


I always want so much to please you

But I get so caught up in the world

I worry and feel that my faith is so weak

How can anyone see you in me

I just keep failing over and over again


I don’t feel your hand upon mine

Although I know that it’s there

I struggle to feel like I’m closer to you

Although I know you’re right here

I just keep failing over and over again


But you You pull me back up again

Every time that I fall

Yes, you pull me back up again

No matter how often I call


All I can see are my failures

I can’t be who you want me to be

All that I do is the wrong thing

There is no goodness in me

I just keep failing over and over again


Sometimes I feel like I just can’t go on

I forget to use your strength, not mine

So many days I feel tired and alone

I forget that you’re here by my side

I just keep failing over and over again


But you pull me back up again

Every time I hit the wall

Yes, you pull me back up again

No matter how often I call…

yes, every single time that I call.