Vacation Bible School

Well, I missed four days!  My intention was to write every day...oh well!  :)  Moving on...I also missed last Monday's weigh-in.  I now have only 111 pounds to lose.  So, I am keeping up with my 1 pound a week weight loss.  Painfully slow, but that's the right way to do it...and not to give up, which is easy to do.
This past week my kids were in vacation Bible school (VBS), and I stayed with my son the whole time so that he was able to participate.  We all had so much fun.  The music was great, the lessons were great, and my son really enjoyed being in the kindergarten class.  It was perfect for him.  He even fit his body into one of their little driving toy cars...he couldn't get his legs in, so his lanky legs were out the side door, and he kicked himself along that way.
The church was raising money for special needs kids in Africa, so they had the three of us get up and answer questions about my son, his challenges, and how we handle them.  We were able to share about how kids should not be afraid to ask special needs kids and their parents questions so they can get to know them...that it's so much better to do that than to avoid them and be afraid.  The kids in the kindergarten class asked lots of questions...why does he look dead, why can't he talk, why can't he use crayons, why can't he keep his balance, why does he act like a little kid when he's so big... So I answered, hoping they would be able to understand...that when they want to say something, their brain sends a message to their mouth, and the words come out...Jeffrey's mouth doesn't do what his brain tells it to do.  When they want to walk, run, or pick something up, their body does what they want it to do.  Jeffrey's doesn't.  We're not exactly sure why.  Then I pointed out things the kids had in common, and after a couple of days, he was just part of the group.
We also got to share how because we love God, he will use all things for good...even the hard stuff, even the sad stuff.  Finally, we talked about my experiences with special needs kids while I was growing up and how I was just nice to them...and that people remembered that many years later.  So, just be kind.
My daughter, who is introverted and painfully shy participated in the dancing and singing on stage and even got up to tell a joke to everyone using a microphone.  She participated in a "secret mission" where she had to talk into the microphone in front of everyone too.  I am so proud of her.  Now she's letting people see how awesome and wonderful she is.
Best of all, God used this time to bring a good friend back to the church.  My son's nurse of six years has been recovering from an injury for the past year, and she's been looking for a church.  I was able to invite her to see my son ,with whom she worked all those years, dance and sing. I was also able to introduce her to all the nice folks at the church, including my aunt and uncle.  So, I hope she felt welcome and that she goes back again.  It was a lovely day.
After all that, my aunt and uncle treated us all to a delicious lunch that we ate outside with the beautiful sunshine, breeze, and a few obnoxious wasps.  :)  What a blessed week we had!

These are the songs my kids sang and danced to at the show on Friday for the last day of VBS.
God is Over the Moon
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekbUe0ooep8

Sin Messed Everything Up
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaNw8G0K8Lc

4 am Bathroom Cleaning/Making a Plan

DS gets sick very often.  He doesn't make it to the toilet many times, and that results in me cleaning the bathroom and him in the middle of the night very often.  I am a horrible mother at 4 am.  I am impatient and unhappy about having to clean everything up and get my son changed and knowing that I am now up for the rest of the night/morning.  Either it's sprayed feces or urine depending on what doesn't make it into the toilet.  There always seems to be something new too.  As of today, my DS either turns around while getting on the toilet or doesn't direct the urine into the toilet when he is sitting...I don't know.  But at 4 am today, I stepped into a puddle on my way to take care of him and was not patient because he wanted me to take care of him, but I really need to clean the floor first so that he doesn't get messier than he already is.  I wish I were more patient.  I wish I could be fresh and sweet and not mind.  He can't help it.  I'm pretty good when it's not the middle of the night woken from a dead sleep, but the poor kid can't help it.  So, that's another prayer for me to be more patient.  Of course, praying for patience just gets you more things to have to be patient about.  This also interrupts any plans for the rest of the day that I may have because then DS is home from school.  In the summer, it doesn't matter as much, but during the year I hesitate to make any plans because I know that they can be cancelled at any moment.  I've even had to leave a funeral.

So I'm whining again, and the whole purpose of today's post is supposed to be about making a plan about all the stuff we need to do.  So, I wrote down all the stuff we need to fix in the house, tried to form a budget of approximately how much each thing will cost, and then looking for information about how to do it.  My sister redid a whole bathroom on her own.  There are all sorts of women on television who tackle entire house flips on their own...so I should be able to do it too.  It looks awfully daunting to me, though.  I'm hoping DH will be able to take some time off to help, and than DS will actually be in school and not sick.

Other things I am doing are reading the Bible every day and praying all the time.  I'm trying very hard to trust in God's plan, His timing, His way of doing things.  I surrender to Him over and over, wanting Him to make me into who He wants me to be.  And then I fail over and over and over again.  I ate too much yesterday, I was impatient yesterday and already today, and it's only 5:53 am.  I'm not active enough.  My house is messy despite working at it every day.  I keep underestimating things that I need to budget and feel absolutely overwhelmed because no matter how well I try to budget, we keep getting all these wonderful surprise bills, car problems, stuff that happens in life to everyone, I guess.  I get tired of having all the neighborhood kids over all the time because I feel like I can't keep up with what I need to do myself, and then I have extra kids to watch and feed.  Of course, if God is sending them to me, then this must be a ministry, and I should be practicing hospitality.  The truth is, I often keep the shades down and avoid going outside to try to hide from them.  It's awful, I know.  Two of them are also ADD/Autistic on top of my own kid, and I feel like I'm giving their parents respite all the time and I don't get any myself.  There are days when I send them away, and then I feel guilty because I'm sure that's not what God wants me to do.  So, I'm still whining.

My husband and I are always so stressed and tired...we have no babysitter, we have no real time alone.  There is no door on the bathroom and our bedroom door is broken.  There is no privacy.  I'm sure people lived that way for eons, but I still wish I at least had a door I could lock for a little while.  DH is exhausted too, and feeling just as down as I am.  We were hoping for at least a restful vacation, and we didn't.

Also, my son is all over me all the time when he's home.  Constantly snuggling, which I know is a wonderful thing.  But I just want to not be touched all the time.  I want him to not touch my nose and ear, and flick my hair into my face over and over and over and over and over and over and over again...and lay on me, and drool on me all day... to dive onto me, to lay across me, to interrupt me constantly.  Even now I've been up and down getting this or that for him, and his elbow is dug deep into my upper arm.

Nobody wants to hear this, and I have it much better than many, many people, but this is just how I feel right now and pray that God will help me to readjust my attitude.  Where is my gratefulness?  Where is my worship?  This is not who He wants me to be.  This is not how I should be.